


Left Behind and Moving Forward

by mikeydoodledandy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikeydoodledandy/pseuds/mikeydoodledandy
Summary: Still struggling with the aftermath of the Quell, Barclay takes a walk on a moonlit night. Waking up in an empty bed, Joseph goes out to find him.
Relationships: Barclay/Agent Stern (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	Left Behind and Moving Forward

“Barclay? What are you doing all the way out here? It’s late.” Barclay sighed softly, looking up to his partner as Joseph approached. The agent was dressed in what he’d worn to bed, a light blanket wrapped around him and his sneakers hastily pulled on without socks. He looked worried, but Barclay supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Waking up in the middle of the night to find your lover missing from your bed was no doubt kind of jarring.

“I... woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to go for a walk rather than bother you with my tossing and turning. Sorry.” He was seated at the edge of the clearing overlooking the archway, on a wooden bench that had been put there after the events of the Quell. The moon was full, shining brightly overhead and casting a pale glow on the forest below. 

Joseph nodded quietly. “May I join you, or would you prefer to be alone?”

“...Go ahead.”

Stern sat, adjusting his blanket around his shoulders before carefully offering his hand to Barclay. They sylph considered it a moment before gently entwining their fingers between them, not saying anything else. They shared the silence together, the cool mountain breeze rustling their clothes and hair as shadows crept from the woods as the moon rose higher.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joseph asked after a time, rubbing his thumb against his partner’s.

“What is there to talk about?”

“I don’t know. Any of it. The new connection back to Sylvain. They sylphs leaving the lodge. Why you’re out here of all places.”

“Ah. Those things. Right.” Barclay sighed again, looking down at their hands. His chest was tight and all the feelings he’d been having lately threatened to bubble up in his throat. The sylph swallowed thickly, considering his words.

He and Joseph had been together going on almost half a year now, settling into their new reality as best they could. Much of it had been wonderful. Joseph was an amazing partner and it felt so good to finally reciprocate their feelings, after almost an entire year of pining, and make up for lost time together. Whether it was dinner dates, or curling up by the fire, or falling into bed together, it had been bliss.

But, as all things tended to be, not everything was perfect. Life went on and the people of Kepler rebuilt, but the scars had been left on the town and its people. Perhaps those in the Pine Guard most of all.

Dani and Aubrey were still on their travels in Sylvain, healing in their own way together. They’d promised to return for a big reunion in the fall that Amnesty and the townfolk were planning, but the lodge was quiet without them in the meantime. Thacker too was missed, away on his own travels into the wilds of the planet Barclay had once called home. Barclay hoped they were all doing alright, he missed them a lot and while they were able to get in touch, their conversations were few and far between.

Duck had left too. He and Minerva and Juno had all left for Brazil in the noble effort of replanting the forests there. Barclay suspected though that Duck needed to get away from it all as well and do some healing of his own.

Which meant only Barclay and Mama remained of the Pine Guard. Not that it really mattered anymore. The abominations were long gone, no longer being grown by the DOM and sent to Earth to incite conflict between their worlds. For the first time in so long, they could rest easy knowing that the full moon would come and go time and time again and no beasts would slink from the shadows to threaten their way of life.

Barclay always thought he’d be relieved for it all to come to an end, and for the most part, he was, but he’d found he didn’t quite know what to do with himself anymore. Now that they’d managed to reconnect Earth and Sylvain with the help of Dr. Sarah Drake and Minerva’s strange magicks, many of the sylphs at the lodge had made the choice to go home, their exile having ended in the wake of the prevented apocalypse.

For the first time in years, Amnesty Lodge was.. just another inn. 

They’d gotten more business as tourists flocked to the town to see the mountain that had moved. The FBI had covered up most of it and the official statement was that it had been a massive collapse of underground caverns that had caused the mountain to crumble into the river, but there were rumors of what really happened. There would always be rumors.

But Barclay found that, even in his happiness of a new relationship, he missed the home that they’d all once made for themselves. It felt... empty. Jake and a few others had stayed and he was grateful for that, but he still found himself wistful for what they’d once had.

He finally let out a long breath, leaning over and resting his head on Joseph’s shoulder. “I miss them, Jo. I understand why they left, they needed to do what was right for them, but I just..  _ miss _ them so much it kinda hurts. The Lodge took me in and gave me a purpose all those years ago. We were all scared and tired and recovering from what was taken from us, but we were a family, y’know? We had each other. And now everyone’s... somewhere else.”

“Not  _ everyone _ , but I know that’s a small consolation,” Joseph replied, gently squeezing Barclay’s fingers. “I’m sure Dani and Aubrey will return eventually, as will Thacker. But I know that’s not now and it’s okay to miss them.”

“Yeah.. And it’s not like.. I’m not moving on either, just in kind of a different way.” He raised Joseph’s hand to his lips, pressing a careful kiss to the back of it. “I never would have thought I’d find someone like you, Jo. Not like this. I don’t regret for a second that everything changed, because if we’d just kept on fighting the abominations for the rest of our lives and never stopped the Quell or the DOM, you and I.. probably wouldn’t have ever been able to get together. I just wish so many people hadn’t left me behind in the process.”

“I’d like to think you might have told me one day regardless, but I suppose that’s rather wishful thinking, isn’t it.”

“I dunno, I might’ve. I’d been considering it before the shapeshifter came and messed everything up. We had that moment and I know I chickened out, but if I’d had just a little more time, I think I might’ve come clean anyway.”

“Yes, that was all quite the mess, wasn’t it? Still, regardless of if you had told me your identity or not, if you’d continued to fight the abominations, well.. Tell me, how many of the Pine Guard actually  _ survived _ the ordeal? You would have always been at risk.”

“I mean... hm.. Guess you have a point. I don’t think there’s really an answer to this though. I’m just...  _ sad _ . My heart hurts with missing them.”

“No, I know. I’m not trying to rationalize away your pain, Barclay. I just wish there was more I could do,” Joseph sighed, Barclay nodding quietly.

“I appreciate it, Jo. And honestly, you’re doing plenty by just being here with me. How lucky am I that my boyfriend is willing to hike out into the middle of the woods in the dead of night just to make sure I’m okay?”

“I would hope anyone in a loving relationship would do the same. You came looking for me last winter when I got stuck out in that snowstorm, and that was even before we were together.”

“Well, yeah I wasn’t just gonna let you freeze out here.”

“Still. We look out for each other. I want to be here for you just as much as you’ve been here for me.”

Barclay smiled a little, but he still felt like he had a knot in his chest. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

“...It’s all the little things I miss about them the most. Like making everyone’s favorite order. I had everyone’s preferences and tastes down to a science. There was a familiarity in that; a sense that I was a part of a bigger picture. And stuff like Dani, Aubrey and Jake all piling on the sofa and giggling together over some dumb meme or joke or what they were planning for a new prank. And how Duck always had the funniest ranger stories, that he could just deliver so completely deadpan that you couldn’t help but laugh. And when  _ Ned _ -” Barclay stopped himself, throat too tight to continue without choking up anyway. His eyes were wet and itchy, the sylph rubbing them with the heel of his hand. “Fuck, Jo I just..”

Before he could try to say anything else, Joseph pulled him into a strong hug. It was firm and loving and surprised Barclay for a moment, but after he relaxed in the other man’s hold it reminded him that he wasn’t so alone. 

With an anchor to ground him, Barclay found he couldn’t hold back the swell of emotions that had been building within him. Pressing his face into Joseph’s shoulder, he hugged his partner back and let himself cry.

He missed his friends, he missed his  _ community _ . Change was a part of life but rarely was it an easy one. He just wanted them all to come back and be a big happy family again. He wanted the lodge to feel like  _ home _ again. Everyone had gone on their way and left him to pick up the pieces and it hurt. It hurt to be left behind.

His partner rocked him gently as he finally released all the exhaustion and sorrow he’d been carrying the last few months. Barclay might be the bigger of the two of them, but Joseph held him with a strength that made him feel safe to be vulnerable like this. The agent stroked his long hair, wrapping the blanket he had around both of them as Barclay clenched his fingers in the man’s shirt while he cried.

Eventually, his grief slipped into exhaustion, leaving him shaky and spent. He was grateful to have the man he loved there to steady him through it, resting heavily in Joseph’s arms.

“Sorry...” The sylph mumbled hoarsely, his eyes raw. Joseph shook his head, threading his fingers in his boyfriend’s hair.

“Don’t be. It’s okay.”

“I got snot on your shirt.”

“That’s also okay.”

Barclay managed a chuckle at that, pulling away and wiping his nose on his sleeve. Joseph smiled at him softly, reaching up and wiping the tears from his cheeks. Barclay’s eyes were puffy and he was kind of starting to get a headache, but he felt a little better than he had before.

“Thanks, Jo.”

“Of course, love.”

They both sat quietly once more under Joseph’s blanket, this time wrapped in each other’s embrace as the night grew longer. The agent was calmly observing the archway, fingers idly stroking the hairs on Barclay’s arm. He bit his lip as he often did when there was something he wasn’t sure he should say, the sylph nudging him when he noticed.

“What’s up?”

“Well, I...” Joseph let out a soft breath, his fingers stopping their ministrations. “You could always go back, you know. I was always a little surprised you never brought it up or suggested it, actually. I thought maybe you’d want to return with everyone else and you clearly miss your friends.”

“Ah.” Barclay’s shoulders sagged, the man scuffing his shoe in the dirt as he mulled over his words. “I’m not gonna say I haven’t considered it. I’ve actually thought about it a lot, but I just.. don’t think there’s room for me to heal and grow in Sylvain. It’s not home to me anymore. I was born here on earth and while Sylvain gave me my mind and my form, my love for  _ this _ planet has always been stronger. I was exiled when I was young and stupid, so all my growth and experience come from learning from humans. As much as I miss my friends, I think at the end of the day, my place is still here.”

“It’s been a long time though, hasn’t it? Out of all the other sylphs, you’re the only one who hasn’t even gone back to visit. Even  _ I’ve _ been back to Sylvain at this point.” 

“Yeah, well... Hm. It’s kinda complicated. I guess I just.. never really fit in Sylvain to begin with. Something about earth always called me in a way that being there didn’t. These mountains feel more like I belong here than I ever felt there. There’s something about Earth, about Kepler especially that just.. makes me feel at peace. It’s this swell that I feel right in my chest whenever the sun sets and spreads a warm glow through the trees or how the earth smells after a fresh rain. Things like that that just feel right that I never felt on Sylvain.”

“Those are good reasons.” Joseph nodded, looking back up at the arch. “I was worried it might just be me keeping you here, which if that was the case, well...”

“You do play a part in it too, Joseph, but don’t take that the wrong way.” Barclay leaned over and kissed Joseph’s forehead, enjoying the warmth of his skin against his lips. “That warmth I feel when I think about how much I love Earth, I feel the most when I’m with you. You remind me of everything I love about humanity, Jo and I don’t ever want you to think that you’re holding me back.”

“Alright. I don’t know if I exactly embody everything great about the human race, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Naw, I don’t mean it like that. I just mean.. I love you for you. Your kindness and warmth and habits and flaws, they make me happy. You make me happy, Jo.”

“You make me very happy too, Barclay.”

Joseph gently cupped Barclay’s face, leaning in to kiss him. It was soft and careful, Barclay wishing he was a little less rough from crying but grateful for the comfort. He leaned his cheek against Joseph’s palm, closing his eyes. It was a mild night and he found he wanted to linger in the gentleness of his partner’s affection. The man had been so good to him in their time together and had given him so much. The sylph opened his eyes, meeting Stern’s fond and understanding expression. One last sorrow bubbled up in his chest, one he found he was finally ready to share.

“I’ve.. never told you how I was exiled, have I.”

“You haven’t, no. It didn’t seem like my place to ask.”

“You can always ask me stuff, babe. That said, I dunno how great of an answer I would have given if you had.” Barclay smiled sadly, settling back beside his boyfriend and gazing up at the full moon.

“Well.. I was exiled because I loved humanity a bit too much. I came to Sylvain as all animal sylphs do, stumbling through a gate without a mind of my own yet, scared and confused. I don’t remember that part, but no one ever does. Slowly, I grew though. I started forming memories I still have, was taken in by a loving family, grew up in a society that’s both progressive and stunted compared to a human one. The usual story.”

Barclay took a deep breath, taking in the soft scent of pine on the breeze, his knee pressed to Joseph. “I had a best friend growing up. We got into all sorts of trouble together. Nothing ever malicious, but we certainly weren’t perfect angels by any means. We’d get into places we shouldn’t, played pranks, that sort of stuff. We were best friends to the end back in those days.”

“Anyone I would know?”

“He’s not one of the sylphs who came over here if that’s what you’re asking. But you might actually.. well, lemme just continue before I start dropping names.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s fine, Jo. Anyway, we were still friends into our young adulthood, and still kinda mischief-makers.  _ He _ was being groomed for a really important position in the sylvan government, however, while I was kinda.. I dunno, doing my own thing. But we still had fun and he could get us access to places no one else in the kingdom could enter, which.. included the gate.”

Barclay gazed up at the archway with a soft sigh. “It was in New York back then and at first we’d just do really stupid shit like put a hand through it or quickly jump in and out of it when we got bold enough. Eventually though, we got ourselves disguises and would sneak through to earth in the middle of the night. It was peak risk-taking, but in the process, we both kinda fell in love with humans. Not like..  _ literally _ , not yet anyway.”

He nudged Joseph with a small chuckle, who returned it with a smile, a faint blush to his cheeks, but this time he stayed quiet as Barclay continued. 

“Human society was so different from ours, yet still so familiar. I think a lot of animal sylphs experience that if they go to earth. There’s this connection we have that, even though we can’t remember our lives as animals, we can  _ feel _ it, y’know? It’s kinda like deja vu. But it wasn’t just that. Humans are  _ creative _ in a way that sylphs really aren’t. Humans don’t have magic, so they have to come up with new and interesting ways to do things and bring new and creative ideas to their media and books and films and my friend and I, we loved every minute of it.”

There was a wistfulness in Barclay’s eyes, the sylph rubbing his nose again. “He always had a love for films and tv shows. I always loved the books and music. We’d make a challenge for ourselves whenever we would sneak over to try to bring something new back with us each time. It was fun and Earth was so bright and interesting, and not just because it was forbidden. I loved it. It felt.. I dunno..  _ Right _ .”

“But I’m guessing your adventures to earth didn’t go unnoticed?”

“Yeah... eventually we were caught and going to earth is like... a  _ huge _ taboo in our society. There’s a reason we get exiled here. They found all our human stuff and brought us before the council and... Both of us were going to be exiled, but I... Vince had a life ahead of him in a way that I didn’t, so I... took all of the blame. He was let off and I left Sylvain.”

Joseph rubbed his shoulder comfortably, his brows furrowed. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“I dunno. I assume life just went on and he got that position he was being prepped for. I adjusted to earth and decided to travel for a while. I made a lot of stupid mistakes, got seen a couple of times. I’m sure a couple of photos of me have crossed your desk at one point or another. But... I grew. I learned love and creativity and kindness not from sylphs, but from humans. I learned to play the guitar and cook. I saw the world. And at some point, the planet I’d left behind, with its harsh laws and broken friendships just.. wasn’t where I belonged anymore. I belong here, on earth, and then in Kepler at the lodge, and now here with  _ you,  _ Joseph.”

He turned to face his partner, taking the man’s hands carefully in his own. Joseph’s fingers were long and slender, an interesting contrast to his rough and calloused palms. He rubbed his thumb against the top of the man’s hand. 

“I miss my friends, I do. But.. I’m right where I need to be. For the first time in a while, I finally get to choose my own path without worrying about abominations or someone ruining everything for us by discovering the truth. I get to be with someone who’s made me happier than I’ve been in a very long time and I don’t regret that.”

“Barclay, I...” Joseph pressed his forehead to the sylph’s, squeezing his fingers. “That was beautifully put. I’m glad you’re with me too. I’m glad you love Earth. I’m glad I can make all this a little easier and be here to support you. I want us to be able to talk like this and for you to feel comfortable being open with me. You deserve what you need to grow and be okay and I know I’m not perfect, but I want to give you everything I can. Now and in the future.”

“Oh, Jo. You already do.” Barclay wrapped his boyfriend in a warm hug, his heart feeling lighter than it had. “Just being here and listening and caring, that’s enough. It means more to me than you can even know.”

“I suppose no one ever said moving forward was going to be easy but... at the very least, we can do it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little wistful look at what I imagine Barclay dealing with after everyone leaves, plus my take on how he was exiled. Thanks for reading!


End file.
